so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
