fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
