Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
