I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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