No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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