I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
