the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
