Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
