they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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