I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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