before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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