Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
