there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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