I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
