I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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