Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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