I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
