I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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