I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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