I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
my liver is dry heaving
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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