Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize