Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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