I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
