I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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