it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
