like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
