he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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