here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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