I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Drunk is not a location!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
