Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
