Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
