my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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