sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
