btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm too high and old for this...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
