I just pynch a tree in the face
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it's great music for shaving your balls
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
