i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I understand Curling. That high.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
