hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
