Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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