Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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