I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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