i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
3 2 1 whiskey
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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