What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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