im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
