Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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