he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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