I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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