if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
