I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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