Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
