Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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