I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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