if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
