can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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