did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
