I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
