I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
