There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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