Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
