I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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