I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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