okay pat passed out under dana's car
meet me or not, i'm out of control
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
