eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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