Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
