walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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