she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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