3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
