so that wasnt chicken after all
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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