I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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