just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
