I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Omg I joined a choir last night...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
